Trust has very little to do with people, events or circumstances. Rather its a reference point from which we relate to people, events and circumstances.
When you are grounded in an understanding that every one and everything you encounter is an essential and indispensable aspect to your own growth then you are operating from a place of trust. When you no longer view the many circumstances of life with fear or distaste but rather with a sense of curiosity then you are operating from a place of trust.
Because from this vantage point of trust your perception is able to penetrate the hard outer shell of appearances, and to grasp at the nugget of what that experience truly has to offer. Then, all experiences, joyful or painful, are taken as equally valuable in that they are all lessons that further our growth. And sometimes it is the more painful lessons that draw our attention more deeply into ourselves.
When you are operating from a place of trust for no other reason than because it is what feels the most natural and reasonable thing to do, then you can begin to extend this trust to your relationships and your environment. Your actions are no longer driven solely by future outcomes or agendas but more fundamentally by a desire to align with and stay true to your own unique expression. Your entire life then becomes one great act of faith.
Monday, November 26, 2012
Thursday, November 22, 2012
The Past-Future Continuum
The future is nothing more than a projection of the past. Think about it. The future, in the way we think, is an image we create in our minds based on everything we know, everything we've learned and everything we believe to be true. These include not only ideas and memories, but also feelings, sensations, fears - all that we have ever experienced and as a result come to value. It all comes from the past.
So the future then becomes nothing more than a shadow of the past. Much like when a streetlamp in the dark shines on an object and creates shadows of varying distortion - our awareness too, when it reflects on the past creates various images of the future. Some of the images (shadows) are large and menacing, others are fainter and more transparent. But regardless, just as object and shadow are inextricably linked, so too are the past and the future.
You cannot have a shadow without an object to create it. You cannot have an object that doesn't cast a shadow when brought into the light. When you bring attention and focus to the past, the mind inadvertently begins to approximate potential future scenarios. Similarly, when you are thinking about the future, the mind is automatically accessing its memory banks at a rapid pace. You may have heard the saying, "History repeats itself." This is in effect what is happening.
The future we perceive in our minds is never something new. It is just a different version of something old. That is because nothing new or fresh can come from the past.
To experience the new is to be present. In this present, lies the freshness that comes from spontaneous experience. Being present requires us to become open to not knowing, to relinquish our over-dependence on our knowledge. Because knowing implies the past, it implies a sacrifice of a real experience for the memory of an experience, the sacrifice of reality for a virtual reality.
So the future then becomes nothing more than a shadow of the past. Much like when a streetlamp in the dark shines on an object and creates shadows of varying distortion - our awareness too, when it reflects on the past creates various images of the future. Some of the images (shadows) are large and menacing, others are fainter and more transparent. But regardless, just as object and shadow are inextricably linked, so too are the past and the future.
You cannot have a shadow without an object to create it. You cannot have an object that doesn't cast a shadow when brought into the light. When you bring attention and focus to the past, the mind inadvertently begins to approximate potential future scenarios. Similarly, when you are thinking about the future, the mind is automatically accessing its memory banks at a rapid pace. You may have heard the saying, "History repeats itself." This is in effect what is happening.
The future we perceive in our minds is never something new. It is just a different version of something old. That is because nothing new or fresh can come from the past.
To experience the new is to be present. In this present, lies the freshness that comes from spontaneous experience. Being present requires us to become open to not knowing, to relinquish our over-dependence on our knowledge. Because knowing implies the past, it implies a sacrifice of a real experience for the memory of an experience, the sacrifice of reality for a virtual reality.
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
The Depth of Choice
All that we think, feel and believe to be true about ourselves is a choice. It is a choice we make from day to day and moment to moment, consciously or unconsciously.
Most people are unaware that this choice even exists. We live our lives defined by what we feel and think, accepting them as truths and enduring their consequences. As a result, we come to believe the limit of our ability to choose extends as far as our likes and dislikes, our ambitions and goals, our purpose in life. We rarely ever stop to consider that this very person, this "I", with its name, identity, thoughts, feelings and motivations itself is a choice.
As we grow in self-awareness we become exceedingly aware that we are in fact actively choosing who we think we are. To be "self aware" means to be aware of yourself. It is to witness yourself, almost as a third person in the equation. To watch yourself as you interact with the world and with others. To watch your emotions arise, fears arise, motivations arise and thoughts arise. To see the subtle ways these catalysts move you and how in turn you energize them.
In order to witness this "person that you are", you must actually sit outside your person. Almost like standing outside the window of your own shop (which is your body-mind) and looking in. As you become more and more familiar with observing yourself, you become simultaneously aware that this "person" you are witnessing with its own particular flavors of emotion and thought is really a choice. No thought is believed until you choose to believe it. No emotion can be adopted until you choose to adopt it. Nothing you see in your store window has been placed there without your permission.
To realize this is extremely liberating. When you see that what you are is a choice, then you see that everything is optional. Fear is optional, anger is optional, struggle, resistance and suffering are optional. And even though you may continue to choose to experience these heavier emotions out of habit, the awareness that an alternative exists will gradually cause a transformation in your relationship with yourself.
Most people are unaware that this choice even exists. We live our lives defined by what we feel and think, accepting them as truths and enduring their consequences. As a result, we come to believe the limit of our ability to choose extends as far as our likes and dislikes, our ambitions and goals, our purpose in life. We rarely ever stop to consider that this very person, this "I", with its name, identity, thoughts, feelings and motivations itself is a choice.
As we grow in self-awareness we become exceedingly aware that we are in fact actively choosing who we think we are. To be "self aware" means to be aware of yourself. It is to witness yourself, almost as a third person in the equation. To watch yourself as you interact with the world and with others. To watch your emotions arise, fears arise, motivations arise and thoughts arise. To see the subtle ways these catalysts move you and how in turn you energize them.
In order to witness this "person that you are", you must actually sit outside your person. Almost like standing outside the window of your own shop (which is your body-mind) and looking in. As you become more and more familiar with observing yourself, you become simultaneously aware that this "person" you are witnessing with its own particular flavors of emotion and thought is really a choice. No thought is believed until you choose to believe it. No emotion can be adopted until you choose to adopt it. Nothing you see in your store window has been placed there without your permission.
To realize this is extremely liberating. When you see that what you are is a choice, then you see that everything is optional. Fear is optional, anger is optional, struggle, resistance and suffering are optional. And even though you may continue to choose to experience these heavier emotions out of habit, the awareness that an alternative exists will gradually cause a transformation in your relationship with yourself.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Embracing Paradox
Paradox is something we tend to fear and avoid. Because paradox blurs the boundaries between things. We all like our lives, our things, our relationships and our desires to be one way or another, clearly marked off into neat little spaces, divided by obvious boundaries. However, reality is rarely like this.
In our minds, we want ourselves to be one way or another. We may want to be loving, generous, tolerant, determined, forgiving, powerful, free or a number of other images we might have of ourselves. Yet, in reality there are those moments in which we are spiteful, stingy, intolerant, hesitant, vindictive, weak and imprisoned. In those moments, we have a tendency to be harsh on ourselves. As if somehow we have betrayed ourselves in our own esteem. This tendency to berate oneself for not having a high enough sense of esteem is what leads to low self esteem.
So here is the paradox once again. The compulsive need to have and to maintain a high self-esteem actually breeds low self-esteem. On the flip side, introvertion, fear, spitefulness and feelings of inadequacy can paradoxically create a sense of high self-esteem. A great example of this would be famous megalomaniacs in history like Hitler, Tim McVeigh and others.
There is no such thing as a permanent high nor a permanent low in this Universe. Every living being is an embodiment of it all - the high and the low. You cannot truly be loving until you are willing to allow yourself moments of spite. You cannot truly be generous or tolerant until you allow yourself those moments of selfishness and intolerance, if they appear naturally. You cannot accept just one face of a coin.
Embracing paradox is the choice to embrace the totality of who you are, the whole being. Not just the good bits, the strong bits, the worthy bits but equally and more vitally the rotten bits, the weak bits and the unworthy bits. When you can accept all of it without judgment or preference you are one step closer to becoming whole again.
In our minds, we want ourselves to be one way or another. We may want to be loving, generous, tolerant, determined, forgiving, powerful, free or a number of other images we might have of ourselves. Yet, in reality there are those moments in which we are spiteful, stingy, intolerant, hesitant, vindictive, weak and imprisoned. In those moments, we have a tendency to be harsh on ourselves. As if somehow we have betrayed ourselves in our own esteem. This tendency to berate oneself for not having a high enough sense of esteem is what leads to low self esteem.
So here is the paradox once again. The compulsive need to have and to maintain a high self-esteem actually breeds low self-esteem. On the flip side, introvertion, fear, spitefulness and feelings of inadequacy can paradoxically create a sense of high self-esteem. A great example of this would be famous megalomaniacs in history like Hitler, Tim McVeigh and others.
There is no such thing as a permanent high nor a permanent low in this Universe. Every living being is an embodiment of it all - the high and the low. You cannot truly be loving until you are willing to allow yourself moments of spite. You cannot truly be generous or tolerant until you allow yourself those moments of selfishness and intolerance, if they appear naturally. You cannot accept just one face of a coin.
Embracing paradox is the choice to embrace the totality of who you are, the whole being. Not just the good bits, the strong bits, the worthy bits but equally and more vitally the rotten bits, the weak bits and the unworthy bits. When you can accept all of it without judgment or preference you are one step closer to becoming whole again.
Monday, November 19, 2012
A Collection of Statuses
It was suggested to me that I post some of my musings from Facebook onto the blog so here goes:
To have a strong sense of identity is quite the opposite. It is to see ones...elf in more fluid, changing, evolving, dynamic and flexible terms. When we look towards our minds and our thoughts to provide us with our self identity, we are really working with ideas and images that are outdated and frozen in time. Who you are and who you think you are is always out of synch, because your image of yourself is no more than a screenshot in time whereas your reality is perpetually evolving in real-time. Most of suffering generates from constantly trying to reconcile the image in the mind with the reality we see. The image is frozen. Like a glacier in the winter. Whereas reality flows like a river. When we are able to stay more present in our day to day lives, when we are relying less and less on those mental images we compulsively hold on to, then we begin to connect with a sense of identity that is less clearly defined. It is based on an awareness that is purely spontaneous, fresh and immediate. It is not burdened with the weight of concepts and expectations which make it sluggish and solidified like ice. Rather, free of past and future projections, it is fluid and flexible like water. Then the only rational response to any circumstance in life is no longer resistance/struggle but an immediate acceptance without blame/jedgment followed by fluidly adapting to whatever challenge the circumstance brings forth. Whether we are willing to admit it or not each and every one of us is ignorant to a degree. So before judging another's ignorance are you willing to take a look at your own? When we ar...e able to own our own ignorance with grace and humility then we may be able to accept the ignorance of another. And in those moments when we feel superior, more compassionate, more civilized than those who are more ignorant than us and cast judgment on them from high up on our moral pedestals, let us reflect back on our own ignorance. So that we may see that we are all just blind men and women fumbling about in the dark. Just because someone is blinder than us doesn't somehow make us superior. We are all just afraid of the darkness within our own hearts. That is what makes us turn on ourselves and each other. When we stop fearing the darkness of ignorance is when the light of compassion can begin to shine. Everything that happens is an aspect of change - positive and negative - it is all change. When you prefer and give value to only the positive in yourself you disown all that is not. The very nature of flux, of change, is ebb and flow, is crest and trough, is positive and negative. To embrace change is to embrace the entire movement not just the crests, not just the high tides. When you can embrace change in its totality, only then are you be able to see that within yourself that remains unchanging, eternal and constantly present. That deep acceptance where everything that is, is permitted to exist without judgment or favor. It is a vast open space of unconditional love. When you can begin to give this gift of clarity to yourself, you will simultaneously bring it into the world around you. =================================================================================== Picture the Mind and the Heart to be the right and left lenses of the glasses through which we see the world.... Through the experience of living these lenses get scuffed, scratched, chipped and cracked. And each imperfection in the lens causes a distortion in reality - in the way we perceive life, the world around us and ourselves. Every grievance we hold for another is a judgment we hold of ourselves. The distortion and the blemish go hand in hand. It is unavoidable. Lost in the haze of our own imperfections and a world of distortion we are on a perpetual quest to feel better, do better, find better - to somehow fix these lenses consciously or subconsciously. To repair this Heart, to perfect this Mind. Love is the clarity with which we see when we are no longer disturbed by the flaws and distortions of the Heart and Mind. It is the realization that we do not become perfect in the absence of our flaws but have always been perfect in spite of them. Our true identity is not in the lenses but in the eyes behind them that see unconditionally. When we can reconnect with the miracle of sight - that is love. Then there is only an unconditional acceptance: of ourselves, of the world, of this moment just as it is - imperfect, distorted and infinitely beautiful. See more Comfort, joy, anger and fear - these are the changing weather patterns of the mind. Passion, happiness, boredom and melancholy - these are the cyclical seasons of the soul. Each day's weather brings a different experience. Each season represents an opportunity for growth. It is possible to find comfort in the midst of melancholy like a clear sunny day in the middle of winter. Or to feel anxiety in...the midst of happiness, like a summer storm that drenches the heat. We may have our preferences of weather and season. Yet, the weather and seasons follow a deeper intelligence, one that is not contingent upon our whims and fancies. Each experience of the mind, be it sunny or cloudy, is an experience worth having. Each season of the soul, be it summer or winter, is a lesson worth learning. And while, the weather may change and the seasons me come and go, the Sun that is your true nature, will continue to shine everyday regardless of whether it can be seen. It is the one constant that has never forsaken you. It gives you the capacity to love and the courage to endure.
We are encouraged by society to have a strong sense of ourselves as individuals; to be unique, to stand out, to be well defined. And while this is a great ideal to live up to, we have somehow misconstrued this "strong sense of ourselves" to be synonymous with solidity, with rigidity, with immovability, with being static.
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Open, vulnerable, curious, trusting, spontaneous - this is our natural state. None of these implies ignorance. Ignorance is the result of a narrow mind, defensiveness, lack of curiosity, mistrust and premeditation.
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Your name is changeable, your body is changeable, your mind is changeable, your feelings are changeable, your faith is changeable, your ambition is changeable, your work is changeable, your dreams are changeable, your relationships are changeable, your sexuality is changeable, even your gender is changeable. There is nothing about you that is immune to change. To resist change is to oppose your very nature.
Love is not just a feeling, not just an effect, not just something external that happens to you. On a deeper, more fundamental level, Love is a perspective, a cause, that source inside you from which every thought and action has the capacity to transform all that you come in contact with.
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Friday, November 2, 2012
Zero and Infinity
In the Beginning
Life is meaningless at the beginning. In other words, it has no meaning, no reason for why it appears and how it appears. Life just is. This is because as infants we have yet to develop those faculties of the intellect that are able to take this holistic view and break it down through analysis. From that very first glimpse of an undifferentiated world our mind quickly learns through its surroundings to differentiate.
Prior to the beginning of perception there is truly nothing. The Zero. Yet, in that first moment, when the infant emerges from the womb and the world is felt for the first time there emerges the One. It is an overwhleming sense of existence, of one existence. This is the is-ness or the such-ness that the buddhists speak of. Yet even this undifferentiated sense of existence has emerged from the void of the Zero. In this primal state, the infant has yet to draw a clear line of demarcation between himself and the world. Everything internal and external is felt as one, as yet unbroken, experience. The sights, the sounds, the smells and colors of the outside world as well as the sensations, feelings, yearnings and pain of his internal system. The infant does not know that they are separate.
Yet, as the mind develops, so the infant develops self awareness. And as the awareness of the Self is born, so is born the awareness of the World = that which is not the Self = the other. And so 1 becomes 2.
The infant's rapidly growing self awareness now shines light upon its own needs and desires. It perceives certain factors/events/people in the environment as ones that can satisfy its needs and others that cannot. Its capacity to discriminate and divide the outside world increases in direct proportion with its ability to become more subtly aware of its own needs and desires. And so the 2 becomes 4 and then 8 and begins proliferating at an exponential rate.
Yet, other than in moments where needs are felt strongly in which this awareness of separation arises, the infant's mind remains blissfully vacant and observant. Its awareness is open, unbiased and curious. You may have witnessed a baby wailing for a bottle becomes immediately quiet and at ease the moment its needs are met. It effortlessly returns to its natural open undifferentiated self. This is because it is as yet unable to use thought.
The Technique of Differentiation
However, as the child grows its mind develops the ability to think. Thinking is a curious activity because it allows the being the ability to construct abstract realities. Once this abstract reality has been constructed the being can make the choice to either experience the actul reality or an abstraction of it. It is a truly powerful ability that infants don't possess. When an infant's needs are met it doesn't choose to drop the issue and move on out of some deeper wisdom, it drops the issue and moves on because it doesn't have the ability to hold on to it. Because it can't formulate a thought (a combination of image, sound and language) its tools for abstraction are very rudimentary.
The growing child comes face to face with the greatest reality of life. The reality that all beings feel need and that needs are not always met. The infant feels this too, but its only mechanism for coping with unmet needs is to wail. Children, as their minds begin to develop, also begin to develop more sophisticated mechanisms for coping with this sense of unmet needs - the sense of lack. While most will still respond with some amount of chagrin, tantrumming, wailing, they also learn to develop techniques of denial, suppression, avoidance, self-identification and self-criticism. By seeing that externalizing doesn't always work, they begin to realize that sometimes internalizing can help distract the mind from that very raw and powerful sensation of lack.
Finally, as he develops into an adolescent and finally and adult the mind has reached a high degree of sophistication in its abiltity to differentiate. Yet somewhere along the way, that sense of self, which the infant could always default to so effortlessly, has become scattered and lost in the labyrinth of the mind. The thought processes that began with a very specific purpose have instead hijacked the entire experience of "living" for this person. No longer is he able to abstract at will but rather everything has become an abstraction. Thinking has taken over the act of perception so every sensory input is now forced through the additional filter of the thinking mind.
But why did this thinking begin in the first place? It began with the innocent desire to fulfil lack. There is an underlying assumption in every self-referential thought, that somehow the more true a thought is the closer it brings the individual to a resolution of that lack. But thought is an energy. And a thought believed gives rise to another thought. And like a chain reaction thoughts trigger one another creating a thought process. Each thought process feeds another need. And in turn is fed by need. And so while the innocent desire of every thought is to fulfil a need, the effect instead is that it magnifies it and makes it more acute.
This is easily observable in your own mind. Lets say you are starving and the need for food preoccupies your mind. The need is real and yet your mind generates a certain momentum of thinking around this need which magnifies it. Perhaps, it weaves a story around this need, of your plight, your poverty, of a past when these needs were not met, or of a world in which there are others who suffer just as you do. Immersed in thought this need becomes the most overarching concern of you life. You are no different than the infant who was wailing for his bottle. Yet your techniques are far more sophisticated and effective. Using a simple need that all creatures feel your mind has used its powers of abstraction and created an entire worldview and self-view based on it. And so while starving is painful, it is the mind made abstraction that creates the real suffering. At this moment, you get a call from someone telling you of some great news. Immediately, your mind shifts its focus. The pain of starvation is still prevalent yet the awareness of it has receded. Now you find youself immersed in a different story.
This sense of lack translates into our material lives, political lives, family lives, spiritual lives. Every opinion we hold of the world is inextricably linked to an opinion we hold of ourselves which in turn is rooted in lack. Most begin believing that material ambition is the key to addressing material needs which is what they primarily classify this lack to be. Somewhere along the way, we realize that this is not just a material issue but is larger - it is perhaps an economic or political issue. And we then turn our ambitions towards solving the problems of the world. After spinning our wheels in desperation and finding no fulfilment to the sense of lack - we decide that perhaps the issue is not something out there but rather something that goes deeper - an existential/philosophical issue. And we immerse ourselves in the spiritual life and seek to find an end to sufferng.
The Zero that became the One and then the Two has now proliferated into the several thousands. The differentiation of the Self and the world knows no limits. the human mind has learned to differentiate reality into finer and finer layers. From the macroscopic to the microscopic, from the universal to the quantum and everything in between. Even our powers of self analysis have become exceedingly more intricate, subtle and sophisticated. And yet what is driving this growth and this over-arching need for differentiation is, paradoxically, a need to integrate - to become whole again.
The Art of Integration
At some point, in every individual's life the differentiation reaches a critical mass, a tipping point. Until now, the individual's entire focus was projected outwards into the world. Its drives were internal, mostly fed by lack, but its focus and solution-seeking was pointed outwards. The tipping point happens suddenly and is usually catalyzed by some traumatic external event or a culmination of significant psychological suffering. When this happens, the individual suddenly becomes aware of the lack as an entity, this bottomless void of need. Until now it has always been driven by it, but for the first time it becomes aware of it as a primary operating principle in its life.
Coming face to face with this void is a tremendously sobering experience. And can cause a deep sense of emptiness, meaninglessness, listlessness. In other words, the experience is one of deep depression. Because in perceiving the void, we have perceived, for the first time since our minds fully engaged as infants, the Zero. And this seeing is not something we are ready for. We are confronted with the meaninglessness of life for the very first time and it is unacceptable to us. And we respond the way we have been taught by our minds to - with denial, suppression, wailing, blame. And we may somehow learn to ignore what we've seen and find some way to rationalize it away for the time being but that can only be temporary. Because what has been seen once can't be unseen.
When we glimpse that void what we have really glimpsed is the end point. Where the journey reaches its final purpose. Now, the process of Integration begins. The process of becoming whole again. And for this purpose the mind becomes the secondary tool of choice. The primary tool is the heart, the tool of intuition.
This process of integration is not all that straightforward. The mind which has always been in charge is resistant to let go of its domination. The heart is a much gentler tool that does not assert its views as obviously. Yet, its motivations are deep and its currents powerful. If the mind is like a gushing stream which carries you away, the heart is like an ocean current that grips you and drags you into the depths of your self.
Yet we are more inclined to follow the motivations of our minds initially than the murmurings of our hearts. And so there is a bit of stuttering, of integration and differentiation and integration and differentiation. Somewhere along the process the benefits of the integration become evident even to the mind. It realizes that it needs to get on board with the program. And yet therein lies the ultimate paradox. Because the mind can never integrate. The integration must happen in spite of it and not because of it. And that is the ultimate dilemma. Because true integration can only happen once the mind has relinquished its throne and taken a backseat to a far more powerful force.
And so even in mystics or spiritual seekers there is a strong sense of identification that persists. Where the mind continues to entertain the fantasy that it is somehow in control of the integration. That it is responsible for it. In this way, it becomes the final barrier to the integration. Because it continues to differentiate its own existence from that of the being. It believes that there is the I and there is the Self. And as long as this separation exists, the seeking of the I for it's Self exists. "I am searching for myself", "I am trying to find myself". This is the differentiation created by the mind. It is a fiction. And the most obvious fiction of all.
Integration is the process, where the heart takes over. Intuition now begins to guide the being into a fuller realization of its self. And with each phase as the being integrates, there is a gradual dissolution of boundaries. The things/events/people that it previously perceived as separate and alien now begin to resonate with it. There is a deeper understanding an empathy less rooten in judgment which is a function of the mind and more rooted in wisdom which is function of the heart. Acceptance becomes a more prevalent state as opposed to the resistance energy of the mind.
Realization of Self
However, while integration is a process that eventually must reach its natural conclusion, its conclusion isn't necessary for the Self to realize its true nature. Rather at some point the Self sees what it is, with profound clarity. Let us return to that moment when the individual reached the critical mass, the tipping point. At that moment, as I mentioned it came face to face with the void. And it turned away in denial. That glimpse is what becomes the driving force for the integration. Because in glimpsing the void what the being has really glimpsed is into the entire nature of reality. It has seen that everything is ultimately void. Is nothing. Is Zero. Through a trust in the integration process, we are able to allow for the first time the inherent emptiness of everything. It is the same emptiness that is the basis of our entire experience. From this emptiness the Self arises. And with the Self the world arises. And with the arising of these two, arise the infinite possibilities. This is the great realization that buddhists refer to as the No Self, the hindus as the Higher Self.
Quantum theorists have discovered that reality exists only in a potential form. That everything potentially exists in wave form and it is the act of observation or awareness that makes a wave collapse into its particle form. Until the moment of observation Nothing exists and everything only potentially exists. And yet in the moment of observation everything comes into existence. The Infinite is born out of the Zero. Reality only exists in the moment. Past and future are only abstractions of the mind. In every moment, it is our awareness that creates the reality of the infinite.
In university, I remember sitting in calculus class pondering the concepts of zero and infinity. Studying limits and functions, differentiation and integration I realized somewhere is my subconsciousness that all this had a profoundly deeper implication than we were being lead to believe. It is only through my own introspection and experience of life that I am able to see what all this was implying. The differentiation and the integration is the universal story of proliferation and a return to wholeness, of orginal sin and redemption, of the Big Bang and the Big Crunch, of birth and death, of suffering and enlightenment. The individual in this story is the function whose limit tends to infinity and then tends once again to zero always arriving from moment to moment yet never reaching its final destination. Because to be human is to grow incessantly, relentlessly.
But somewhere along the way there is a realization that what we truly are is beyond all of it. We are the awareness itself, the awareness of the Zero, of the One, Two and the Infinity. It is the play of Life. It is how the source of consciousness recognizes itself, becomes aware of itself. It sees itself by playing this game. By performing the calculus of the soul.
Life is meaningless at the beginning. In other words, it has no meaning, no reason for why it appears and how it appears. Life just is. This is because as infants we have yet to develop those faculties of the intellect that are able to take this holistic view and break it down through analysis. From that very first glimpse of an undifferentiated world our mind quickly learns through its surroundings to differentiate.
Prior to the beginning of perception there is truly nothing. The Zero. Yet, in that first moment, when the infant emerges from the womb and the world is felt for the first time there emerges the One. It is an overwhleming sense of existence, of one existence. This is the is-ness or the such-ness that the buddhists speak of. Yet even this undifferentiated sense of existence has emerged from the void of the Zero. In this primal state, the infant has yet to draw a clear line of demarcation between himself and the world. Everything internal and external is felt as one, as yet unbroken, experience. The sights, the sounds, the smells and colors of the outside world as well as the sensations, feelings, yearnings and pain of his internal system. The infant does not know that they are separate.
Yet, as the mind develops, so the infant develops self awareness. And as the awareness of the Self is born, so is born the awareness of the World = that which is not the Self = the other. And so 1 becomes 2.
The infant's rapidly growing self awareness now shines light upon its own needs and desires. It perceives certain factors/events/people in the environment as ones that can satisfy its needs and others that cannot. Its capacity to discriminate and divide the outside world increases in direct proportion with its ability to become more subtly aware of its own needs and desires. And so the 2 becomes 4 and then 8 and begins proliferating at an exponential rate.
Yet, other than in moments where needs are felt strongly in which this awareness of separation arises, the infant's mind remains blissfully vacant and observant. Its awareness is open, unbiased and curious. You may have witnessed a baby wailing for a bottle becomes immediately quiet and at ease the moment its needs are met. It effortlessly returns to its natural open undifferentiated self. This is because it is as yet unable to use thought.
The Technique of Differentiation
However, as the child grows its mind develops the ability to think. Thinking is a curious activity because it allows the being the ability to construct abstract realities. Once this abstract reality has been constructed the being can make the choice to either experience the actul reality or an abstraction of it. It is a truly powerful ability that infants don't possess. When an infant's needs are met it doesn't choose to drop the issue and move on out of some deeper wisdom, it drops the issue and moves on because it doesn't have the ability to hold on to it. Because it can't formulate a thought (a combination of image, sound and language) its tools for abstraction are very rudimentary.
The growing child comes face to face with the greatest reality of life. The reality that all beings feel need and that needs are not always met. The infant feels this too, but its only mechanism for coping with unmet needs is to wail. Children, as their minds begin to develop, also begin to develop more sophisticated mechanisms for coping with this sense of unmet needs - the sense of lack. While most will still respond with some amount of chagrin, tantrumming, wailing, they also learn to develop techniques of denial, suppression, avoidance, self-identification and self-criticism. By seeing that externalizing doesn't always work, they begin to realize that sometimes internalizing can help distract the mind from that very raw and powerful sensation of lack.
Finally, as he develops into an adolescent and finally and adult the mind has reached a high degree of sophistication in its abiltity to differentiate. Yet somewhere along the way, that sense of self, which the infant could always default to so effortlessly, has become scattered and lost in the labyrinth of the mind. The thought processes that began with a very specific purpose have instead hijacked the entire experience of "living" for this person. No longer is he able to abstract at will but rather everything has become an abstraction. Thinking has taken over the act of perception so every sensory input is now forced through the additional filter of the thinking mind.
But why did this thinking begin in the first place? It began with the innocent desire to fulfil lack. There is an underlying assumption in every self-referential thought, that somehow the more true a thought is the closer it brings the individual to a resolution of that lack. But thought is an energy. And a thought believed gives rise to another thought. And like a chain reaction thoughts trigger one another creating a thought process. Each thought process feeds another need. And in turn is fed by need. And so while the innocent desire of every thought is to fulfil a need, the effect instead is that it magnifies it and makes it more acute.
This is easily observable in your own mind. Lets say you are starving and the need for food preoccupies your mind. The need is real and yet your mind generates a certain momentum of thinking around this need which magnifies it. Perhaps, it weaves a story around this need, of your plight, your poverty, of a past when these needs were not met, or of a world in which there are others who suffer just as you do. Immersed in thought this need becomes the most overarching concern of you life. You are no different than the infant who was wailing for his bottle. Yet your techniques are far more sophisticated and effective. Using a simple need that all creatures feel your mind has used its powers of abstraction and created an entire worldview and self-view based on it. And so while starving is painful, it is the mind made abstraction that creates the real suffering. At this moment, you get a call from someone telling you of some great news. Immediately, your mind shifts its focus. The pain of starvation is still prevalent yet the awareness of it has receded. Now you find youself immersed in a different story.
This sense of lack translates into our material lives, political lives, family lives, spiritual lives. Every opinion we hold of the world is inextricably linked to an opinion we hold of ourselves which in turn is rooted in lack. Most begin believing that material ambition is the key to addressing material needs which is what they primarily classify this lack to be. Somewhere along the way, we realize that this is not just a material issue but is larger - it is perhaps an economic or political issue. And we then turn our ambitions towards solving the problems of the world. After spinning our wheels in desperation and finding no fulfilment to the sense of lack - we decide that perhaps the issue is not something out there but rather something that goes deeper - an existential/philosophical issue. And we immerse ourselves in the spiritual life and seek to find an end to sufferng.
The Zero that became the One and then the Two has now proliferated into the several thousands. The differentiation of the Self and the world knows no limits. the human mind has learned to differentiate reality into finer and finer layers. From the macroscopic to the microscopic, from the universal to the quantum and everything in between. Even our powers of self analysis have become exceedingly more intricate, subtle and sophisticated. And yet what is driving this growth and this over-arching need for differentiation is, paradoxically, a need to integrate - to become whole again.
The Art of Integration
At some point, in every individual's life the differentiation reaches a critical mass, a tipping point. Until now, the individual's entire focus was projected outwards into the world. Its drives were internal, mostly fed by lack, but its focus and solution-seeking was pointed outwards. The tipping point happens suddenly and is usually catalyzed by some traumatic external event or a culmination of significant psychological suffering. When this happens, the individual suddenly becomes aware of the lack as an entity, this bottomless void of need. Until now it has always been driven by it, but for the first time it becomes aware of it as a primary operating principle in its life.
Coming face to face with this void is a tremendously sobering experience. And can cause a deep sense of emptiness, meaninglessness, listlessness. In other words, the experience is one of deep depression. Because in perceiving the void, we have perceived, for the first time since our minds fully engaged as infants, the Zero. And this seeing is not something we are ready for. We are confronted with the meaninglessness of life for the very first time and it is unacceptable to us. And we respond the way we have been taught by our minds to - with denial, suppression, wailing, blame. And we may somehow learn to ignore what we've seen and find some way to rationalize it away for the time being but that can only be temporary. Because what has been seen once can't be unseen.
When we glimpse that void what we have really glimpsed is the end point. Where the journey reaches its final purpose. Now, the process of Integration begins. The process of becoming whole again. And for this purpose the mind becomes the secondary tool of choice. The primary tool is the heart, the tool of intuition.
This process of integration is not all that straightforward. The mind which has always been in charge is resistant to let go of its domination. The heart is a much gentler tool that does not assert its views as obviously. Yet, its motivations are deep and its currents powerful. If the mind is like a gushing stream which carries you away, the heart is like an ocean current that grips you and drags you into the depths of your self.
Yet we are more inclined to follow the motivations of our minds initially than the murmurings of our hearts. And so there is a bit of stuttering, of integration and differentiation and integration and differentiation. Somewhere along the process the benefits of the integration become evident even to the mind. It realizes that it needs to get on board with the program. And yet therein lies the ultimate paradox. Because the mind can never integrate. The integration must happen in spite of it and not because of it. And that is the ultimate dilemma. Because true integration can only happen once the mind has relinquished its throne and taken a backseat to a far more powerful force.
And so even in mystics or spiritual seekers there is a strong sense of identification that persists. Where the mind continues to entertain the fantasy that it is somehow in control of the integration. That it is responsible for it. In this way, it becomes the final barrier to the integration. Because it continues to differentiate its own existence from that of the being. It believes that there is the I and there is the Self. And as long as this separation exists, the seeking of the I for it's Self exists. "I am searching for myself", "I am trying to find myself". This is the differentiation created by the mind. It is a fiction. And the most obvious fiction of all.
Integration is the process, where the heart takes over. Intuition now begins to guide the being into a fuller realization of its self. And with each phase as the being integrates, there is a gradual dissolution of boundaries. The things/events/people that it previously perceived as separate and alien now begin to resonate with it. There is a deeper understanding an empathy less rooten in judgment which is a function of the mind and more rooted in wisdom which is function of the heart. Acceptance becomes a more prevalent state as opposed to the resistance energy of the mind.
Realization of Self
However, while integration is a process that eventually must reach its natural conclusion, its conclusion isn't necessary for the Self to realize its true nature. Rather at some point the Self sees what it is, with profound clarity. Let us return to that moment when the individual reached the critical mass, the tipping point. At that moment, as I mentioned it came face to face with the void. And it turned away in denial. That glimpse is what becomes the driving force for the integration. Because in glimpsing the void what the being has really glimpsed is into the entire nature of reality. It has seen that everything is ultimately void. Is nothing. Is Zero. Through a trust in the integration process, we are able to allow for the first time the inherent emptiness of everything. It is the same emptiness that is the basis of our entire experience. From this emptiness the Self arises. And with the Self the world arises. And with the arising of these two, arise the infinite possibilities. This is the great realization that buddhists refer to as the No Self, the hindus as the Higher Self.
Quantum theorists have discovered that reality exists only in a potential form. That everything potentially exists in wave form and it is the act of observation or awareness that makes a wave collapse into its particle form. Until the moment of observation Nothing exists and everything only potentially exists. And yet in the moment of observation everything comes into existence. The Infinite is born out of the Zero. Reality only exists in the moment. Past and future are only abstractions of the mind. In every moment, it is our awareness that creates the reality of the infinite.
In university, I remember sitting in calculus class pondering the concepts of zero and infinity. Studying limits and functions, differentiation and integration I realized somewhere is my subconsciousness that all this had a profoundly deeper implication than we were being lead to believe. It is only through my own introspection and experience of life that I am able to see what all this was implying. The differentiation and the integration is the universal story of proliferation and a return to wholeness, of orginal sin and redemption, of the Big Bang and the Big Crunch, of birth and death, of suffering and enlightenment. The individual in this story is the function whose limit tends to infinity and then tends once again to zero always arriving from moment to moment yet never reaching its final destination. Because to be human is to grow incessantly, relentlessly.
But somewhere along the way there is a realization that what we truly are is beyond all of it. We are the awareness itself, the awareness of the Zero, of the One, Two and the Infinity. It is the play of Life. It is how the source of consciousness recognizes itself, becomes aware of itself. It sees itself by playing this game. By performing the calculus of the soul.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Consciousness is All
Consciousness lies at the foundation of the material Universe. It is the basis of every form in existence, living and inanimate. It is the single animating factor and guiding principle without which the entire Universe would have no existence.
Everything is conscious. From a blade of grass to a cat in a tree to a mound of sand to the human mind. Every one of these entities is an instrument of consciousness. In fact, to say "we are conscious" is not quite as accurate as to say "we are consciousness itself". Because an instrument's potential is only made manifest by the player without whom it is only an inanimate object.
Think of consciousness as being like electricity. While the universe of electronics is vast and varied in attribute and function they are nevertheless united in one single truth - that without electricity they have no means of manifesting their realities. Whether the object is a simple appliance like a toaster which serves no other purpose than to toast 2 pieces of bread or the object is a complex super-computer that is able to calculate and process vast amounts of information intelligently, both are nonetheless rendered identically obsolete in the absence of electricity.
If you have ever had someone close to you die, and if you have ever witnessed their body laying in the casket, there is something rather striking that you will have the opportunity to observe. You may have a sense that somehow the person lying in front of you is not exactly the person you feel has left you. To the mind the image of the person, the hair, the eyes, the expression matches perfectly. Memory reaffirms that this is indeed the very same person. But beneath the grief, if you are able to reflect deeply enough in silence, it may dawn on you that what lies before you is merely an image, a mirage - a vessel that has fulfilled its purpose even if that purpose is obscured from your understanding. What is and has always been of the greatest essence about that person - the light, the animation, the compassion and the pain - in short, their humanity has vanished into thin air. The body and the brain that lie evidently in front of you are the obvious imposters. Never more than at the moment of death is it more obvious as to what the true identity of a person really is.
Consciousness is what animates every being. And this consciousness is universal and impersonal. It in itself has no material reality. It's only contact point in the material world is through form which it lives through for a while until the form has served its purpose and then it retracts, just like electricity animates the instrument until the instrument no longer is able to function. And even though the death of a person is a loss of the particular expression of consciousness, what we love the most about the other is what we love most about ourselves. Consciousness is the single animating energy that is common to us all.
Self-realization is the shift in identification from seeing one's Self as the instrument of consciousness to seeing one's Self as the root of consciousness itself. This "I" or this sense of being is the one constant and continuous aspect of our experience. Everything else changes: our thoughts, our emotions, our minds, our bodies, our relationships, our circumstances, everything is flux. Only this undefinable and unjustifiable sense of "I am" of "I exist" persists regardless and independent of the conditions in which it persists. That deep rooted sense of being prior to thought, prior to recognition, prior even to the perception of it, is not separate from consciousness. It is consciousness itself prior to it becoming anything, prior to consciousness manifesting as a thought or emotion or perception or recognition. In a state of open awareness pure consciousness can be experienced. And yet language necessarily implies a duality/separation where no duality exists. This is the state of pure being. Of pure awareness. And it is the foundation of each and every individual existence.
Each and every person, when allowed to fall quiet in meditation has the opportunity to contact that very same impersonal awareness. This state which has been given many names such as Brahman by the Hindus, no-mind (mu-shin) or Big mind by Zen buddhists, the Holy Spirit by Christianity, Fanaa by the Sufi muslims is none other than that vast impersonal consciousness as yet unmanifested. If a quantum theorist were to use their own jargon to coin a term for it, it would be something like the 'field of quantum potentiality'.
This consciousness is at the heart of existence. It is that sense of "I exist". It is infinite and unreachable by the mind because it is prior to the mind. The mind can only reflect on it through thought which is only the overlay of an image. The mind cannot experience it. And yet the mind functions because of it. It is the very ground of our experience.Whatever consciousness touches comes to life, whatever consciousness retracts from dies. Yet consciousness itself has no limitation nor does it have a beginning or end. It gives a seeming reality to all that it illuminates just like the sun creates mirages in the desert heat.
Everything is conscious. From a blade of grass to a cat in a tree to a mound of sand to the human mind. Every one of these entities is an instrument of consciousness. In fact, to say "we are conscious" is not quite as accurate as to say "we are consciousness itself". Because an instrument's potential is only made manifest by the player without whom it is only an inanimate object.
Think of consciousness as being like electricity. While the universe of electronics is vast and varied in attribute and function they are nevertheless united in one single truth - that without electricity they have no means of manifesting their realities. Whether the object is a simple appliance like a toaster which serves no other purpose than to toast 2 pieces of bread or the object is a complex super-computer that is able to calculate and process vast amounts of information intelligently, both are nonetheless rendered identically obsolete in the absence of electricity.
If you have ever had someone close to you die, and if you have ever witnessed their body laying in the casket, there is something rather striking that you will have the opportunity to observe. You may have a sense that somehow the person lying in front of you is not exactly the person you feel has left you. To the mind the image of the person, the hair, the eyes, the expression matches perfectly. Memory reaffirms that this is indeed the very same person. But beneath the grief, if you are able to reflect deeply enough in silence, it may dawn on you that what lies before you is merely an image, a mirage - a vessel that has fulfilled its purpose even if that purpose is obscured from your understanding. What is and has always been of the greatest essence about that person - the light, the animation, the compassion and the pain - in short, their humanity has vanished into thin air. The body and the brain that lie evidently in front of you are the obvious imposters. Never more than at the moment of death is it more obvious as to what the true identity of a person really is.
Consciousness is what animates every being. And this consciousness is universal and impersonal. It in itself has no material reality. It's only contact point in the material world is through form which it lives through for a while until the form has served its purpose and then it retracts, just like electricity animates the instrument until the instrument no longer is able to function. And even though the death of a person is a loss of the particular expression of consciousness, what we love the most about the other is what we love most about ourselves. Consciousness is the single animating energy that is common to us all.
Self-realization is the shift in identification from seeing one's Self as the instrument of consciousness to seeing one's Self as the root of consciousness itself. This "I" or this sense of being is the one constant and continuous aspect of our experience. Everything else changes: our thoughts, our emotions, our minds, our bodies, our relationships, our circumstances, everything is flux. Only this undefinable and unjustifiable sense of "I am" of "I exist" persists regardless and independent of the conditions in which it persists. That deep rooted sense of being prior to thought, prior to recognition, prior even to the perception of it, is not separate from consciousness. It is consciousness itself prior to it becoming anything, prior to consciousness manifesting as a thought or emotion or perception or recognition. In a state of open awareness pure consciousness can be experienced. And yet language necessarily implies a duality/separation where no duality exists. This is the state of pure being. Of pure awareness. And it is the foundation of each and every individual existence.
Each and every person, when allowed to fall quiet in meditation has the opportunity to contact that very same impersonal awareness. This state which has been given many names such as Brahman by the Hindus, no-mind (mu-shin) or Big mind by Zen buddhists, the Holy Spirit by Christianity, Fanaa by the Sufi muslims is none other than that vast impersonal consciousness as yet unmanifested. If a quantum theorist were to use their own jargon to coin a term for it, it would be something like the 'field of quantum potentiality'.
This consciousness is at the heart of existence. It is that sense of "I exist". It is infinite and unreachable by the mind because it is prior to the mind. The mind can only reflect on it through thought which is only the overlay of an image. The mind cannot experience it. And yet the mind functions because of it. It is the very ground of our experience.Whatever consciousness touches comes to life, whatever consciousness retracts from dies. Yet consciousness itself has no limitation nor does it have a beginning or end. It gives a seeming reality to all that it illuminates just like the sun creates mirages in the desert heat.
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