There are some who believe that compromise is inevitable. That in reality, compromises must be made and that the fulfilment of your own desires and passions will always come at the cost of others. And vice versa, that being of service to others and fulfilling their desires implies that your own desires must be curtailed. This point of view has an underlying guilt mechanism built into it and its something you may witness operating in your own life and of those close to you.
The opposite viewpoint is that compromise is a cop out. It’s a "settling for" or "giving up" on yourself and what truly moves you, inspires you and floats your boat. It’s the kind of thing people who have lost their sense of individuality and adventure do because they no know other way of living. From this viewpoint, compromise is seen as some sort of shackles, a limitation on your freedom to be who you want to be. In other words, to compromise is to give in to the pressures of society and expectations rather than staying true to your own identity.
Both these views, though in seemingly strong opposition to each other, are ironically similar when you begin to investigate a little deeper. To the first group, compromise is one of those unfortunate inevitabilities of life. It’s the "you can't have your cake and eat it too" mentality. And while they seem to have developed a tolerance for it, compromise is nevertheless seen as a negative attribute. It’s the woman who says, "I could have done great things in my life, but I sacrificed that in order to raise a wonderful family." It’s the man that says, "I always wanted to write a novel but I had to work two jobs to pay the mortgage." There is this distinct sense of a lack of fulfilment in this sort of perspective, even though these same people may rationalize that they were at least fulfilled in other ways.
The second group takes the attitude of denying the necessity of compromise and refusing to submit to it. "You can have your cake and eat it too and why the hell shouldn't you?" To this group as well, compromise is a negative trait. Only their reaction is to deny it or defeat it instead of surrendering to it. It’s the man who says, "I could never dream of getting married. I need the freedom to live my life the way I please." It’s the woman who says, "I could never imagine raising kids and having to give up a career that is everything to me." From this viewpoint, living for others is seen as something that curbs individual freedom and is thus limiting and undesirable.
Both these perspectives have certain things in common. Both see compromise as a negative attribute of life, both see it as a limitation on personal freedom, both see it as a hardship to endure and both regard it from a place of fear. The only difference is in the way each reacts to it.
And yet to perceive compromise in this way is to misunderstand it. Because the nature of compromise is something quite simple, necessary and even beautiful.
Here is one way to define what compromise is as we begin our investigation. Compromise is the weight of the distance felt between the reality we experience vs. the reality we envision. If the reality you are experiencing right now is one where you find yourself lacking and unfulfilled, and you desire a reality in which you might have greater freedom and abundance, then the compromise is the void between the two that you carry with you and experience continuously. If the reality you are experiencing is one in which you perceive yourself to be fulfilling or on the path to fulfilling your own needs without having to sacrifice them for another, and you fear a reality in which you are restricted by the needs of others, then the compromise is the void between the two that you carry with you and experience continuously.
Notice, that whether or not you "feel you are compromising", the compromise is still felt from both perspectives. This is because the distance between the experienced and envisioned realities are what are at the basis of your experience. In the first case, you crave another reality and so through hankering and craving an abstract reality you believe you can never have drains you of the inspiration, creativity and vitality that are always available to you right now. In the second case, you are dismissing or denying circumstances in your life that require a shift in focus from your own needs to those of others. And so avoiding and keeping those opportunities at bay similarly drains you of the flexibility, openness and depth of experience that are available to you in this moment.
In both cases, what you really have compromised on is the potential of what this moment has to offer. You have compromised on yourself.
Compromise is built into the laws of nature. It is the point at which the two universal movements of expansion and contraction meet. Flowers compromise their nectar in order to reproduce, bears compromise their hunger in order to survive winter, rivers compromise their sediment in order to make the sea, and a car compromises its speed for greater control and safety. In fact, if you glance around you, pretty much everything that is happening in this moment moves in an eternal ballet of compromise, of expansion sacrificing itself for contraction, of contraction sacrificing itself for the sake of expansion. In martial arts, the art of "yielding" to your opponent’s energy, allowing it instead of opposing it directly, reveals a great wisdom. It is a philosophy of compromise that sees it not as a negative but a positive, not as a weakness but strength.
Everything expands and everything contracts. Each opportunity to grow in one direction limits the ability to grow in another. To see expansion as positive and contraction as negative is to live a one-sided life in which suffering is inevitable. Rather a more balanced perspective is to see that both are necessary and in fact entwined. The more you expand the more opportunities there will be for contraction. The more you contract the more reasons there will be to expand. Expansion and Contraction are like the in-breath and the out breath. Exhale unconditionally and you will suffocate. Inhale unconditionally and your lungs will explode. The art of Compromise is the art of breathing, it is the art of knowing when to expand and when to contract, when to give and when to take, when to follow your needs and when to be aware of the needs of others.
To truly live a life of freedom of "No Compromise” is to be able compromise effortlessly. It is an experience in which the weight of the distance felt between the reality desired and the one envisioned is minimal. This does not mean that you no longer have any desires. Desires are the catalysts that inspire us to expand and to express our own unique individuality. When you are grounded in the reality of this moment, you no longer experience these desires as a fear, an addiction, as guilt, a craving or an escape. The distance is not experienced as negative but rather a space of infinite potential and possibility. It does not burden you but rather it makes you more buoyant.
To compromise effortlessly is to flow and to adapt. Regardless, of what life has to offer. Regardless of what your present version of reality is. When you are able to tune into the current of Life, you no longer have the need to hold onto your perspectives and mental positions. You grow, evolve and compromise even these as the realities around you shift. You recognize that your own nature and the Nature of reality are one. The problem of compromise itself becomes moot.
