The uncertainty principle as stated by the physicisit Werner Heisenberg goes something like this: "it is impossible to simultaneously determine the position and momentum of a particle with absolute certainty." Another way to understand this, according to Heisenberg, is : the act of measuring one magnitude of the particle, whether it be the mass, velocity or momentum of the particle, immediately blurs the other two magnitudes and makes them 'uncertain'. So, for example, if you measure the particle's mass precisely it is fundamentally impossible to accurately measure its velocity and momentum and vice cersa. This has nothing to do with our techniques or technology which are advanced enough. Quantum physicists have long recognized that Uncertainty is a fundamental property of the Universe.
From the very sub-atomic level, Uncertainty is the thread that weaves our Reality. Time, space, matter and energy are all subject to the same Uncertainty. It blew the world away when Einstein talked about the relativity of space-time. Today, physicists at the cutting edge of quantum research would be hard pressed to admit whether even the most basic things we believe to be true about ourselves and our realities are actually true. Instead, they would more likely use terms like "high probability" or "low probability" because they have long since realized that Reality itself is not a static state but more akin to a field of potentiality. Try to imagine a world in which everything that happened, is happening and will happen only "probably happens". Thats it. Its hard for our minds to grasp this on anything but a theoretical level.
On a practical level it seems to have no relevance. And so we'd rather leave it up to those brainy, awkward physicists to worry about. How does one even use language to describe anything anymore? Bob goes: "So what are you doing?" And I answer: "I'm probably sitting at my desk, probably drinking a coffee." Or if I want to get really technical: "This person that I probably think I probably am is probably sitting at a probable desk probably drinking what is probably a coffee." You could take it even further but that would just get annoying. And so while there are a few people who ponder these issues on a philosophical level, engaging in debate and feeling all the more intellectual for it, when it comes time to go home and do the dishes none of the philosophizing really has any relevance anymore.
But you don't have to delve deeply into quantum physics and ponder the nature of Reality in order to sense the truth of the Uncertainty principle. In fact, if you just take a look at your own life you'll find that it is something that you experience 24 hours a day. If you bring some awareness into your own thought processes, the feelings, the stimuli and the emotions in your system you'll find that everything stems from that sense of Uncertainty. Its there underlying every motivation, every idea, every goal, every desire, every fear. We are in constant relationship with Uncertainty. And more often than not its a relationship that is far from harmonious.
When you wake up in the morning you most likely have an idea of how you're day is going to go or at the very least how you'd like it to go. Your mind has already forecasted a blueprint of events which evolves as your day moves along. At every step along your day your mind will be evaluating the Reality of what is actually happening against what it forecasted to happen. In fact, you may not even be very concious of this but its happening and the proof of this is in your reactions to events...
The subway train you were supposed to be on was full and the people cramming the doorway didn't even have the courtesy to make room for you. As a result you walked in late to work and even though your manager didn't say a word you just know he/she's judging you. You feel agitated, rushed and hot. This is a reaction to events that did not happen as they were forecasted or "supposed to". Embedded within this reaction are all the thoughts and feelings that rise in our minds and bodies: our judgments of others, our judgments of the situation, our judgments of ourselves. Our entire experience of "who we are" is perpetually suspended in the purgatory that lies somewhere in between Reality and our expectations.
The entire human condition can be summed up in one phrase: "The Human relationship with Reality." As long as we continue to believe, against all wisdom and intuition, that we can control Life and events, in other words, that we can achieve certianty in our lives, we are denying the most fundamental property on which Nature is built and as a result missing the entire point of Life. Even if you are successful in really nailing down your career, maybe your personal life suffers. You nail down your personal life, your health suffers. You achieve excellent health, your kids cant stand you. We're constantly juggling all these aspects of our lives trying desperately to keep all the balls in the air. And it all stems from one place - a denial of Uncertainty.
When you go to sleep tonight, will you wake up tomorrow? Even if you do, will the sun rise tomorrow? Even if it does will the people you love still be there tomorrow? Even if they are, will your job still be there tomorrow? Even if it is, will you still make it to work tomorrow? If we all look at this honestly, the only true answer we could offer is "probably". There is absolutely no certainty that any of these will happen. In fact, all there ever is is Uncertainty. All we can hope for is a high probability. And even that is something not within our control. You do not make the decision to wake up in the morning, it just happens. It just as well could not happen. You don't decide for the sun to rise, it happens. It just as well may not. You don't decide for the people you love to be around you, because they just as well may not.
Our relationship with Uncertainty manifests itself in all our daily relationships: our relationships with work, with family, friends, our significant others, ourselves. We are all desperately seeking security : emotional, physical, financial, spiritual. Security is just another word for certainty. We are an inherently insecure species. We are uncomfortable with uncertainty and so we create the delusion of certainty, we put it on a pedestal and we chase after it for the rest of our lives like a carrot on a stick.
Its not easy to perceive any other way of living because our society and the very principles it upholds keep us fixated on this delusion. Our governments and financial institutions are always promising us greater certainty. In our jobs we desperately struggle to hold on to securtiy. For most, marriage is a means of "sealing the deal" providing a sense of certainty about your partner's presence in your life. The promise of "forever" is an unfortunate lie that both members commit to unwittingly. The intentions may be true but sadly the very basis of commitment is the insecurity or fear that the opposite may happen. The only authentic way to approach any relationship whether it may be with work, with your family, with your spouse or yourself is one in which you can exist in harmony with Uncertainty.
The reality is that we don't know. The reality is that we can never know. This kind of statement is almost blasphemous in our present culture. We are a very "certain" species. We are "certain" of ourselves, "certain" of our faiths, "certain" of our political affiliations, "certain" of our stances on current issues, "certain" of what we want from life, "certain" of what we need from our relationships, "certain" of what we deserve, "certain" of what others deserve. But lets return to something that we stated earlier. Uncertainty, not certainty, is a fundamental property of Reality. And so when we are "certain" we are essentially in a state of resistance with Reality. We hold our perceptions and presumptions in higher regard that that which exists. Its our way of convincing ourselves that we are in control.
In reality, certainty is the other face of doubt. Notice how extremely fundamental people also seem like the most certain. In fact, its a common experience for many of us that the most stubborn, ignorant and insecure members of our societies are often the most certain about what they believe. Whereas the more flexible, knowledgeable and free thinking are often more allowing of room to grow and expand their positions. Its that indirect admission that we "may not know" that opens our minds a little. To quote a famous zen story: "a student goes to a Zen Master and asks him to give him the teaching. The Master invites him in for a cup of tea. As the Master pours him some tea, the cup fills and then begins to overflow onto the table. The student exclaims," Stop Master! No more will go in" The Master responds, "Your mind too, like this cup is full. How can I give you the teaching when no more will go in? First you must empty your cup."
This isn't just a feel good parable. Its extremely relevant and extremely practical. Our notions of reality blur our view of Reality. Life is a spontaneous and unknowable landscape. But in our minds it appears as something quite different. Until we are willing to purge ourselves of all our certainties and come face to face with Uncertainty, that demon that we have always been attempting to escape, we will never see it for what it truly is. Embedded in every moment is the essence of Uncertainty. To truly experience a moment in all its spontaneity is to be in complete harmony with this Uncertainty.
Not knowing is a choice as courageous as it is humbling. Not knowing is a willingness to see into the true Nature of Reality and our Selves. Through reflection or by some series of circumstance, often harsh life events, we will be exposed to this lack of certainty in our own lives. Some of us will respond by renewing or doubling our efforts to regain that certainty, but some of us, embattled and exhausted will be forced to face our new reality - that we are not in control and that we cannot really know. From here, some of us may live in a kind of hesitating, unsure relationship with Life not denying but not really trusting the Uncertainty. But some of us may have seen deeply enough through our experience, that Uncertainy is actually all that really exists. In fact, when we glance back at our lives, we find that through every stage and every event, it was our one true and constant companion.
We all come into this world not knowing. Infants are by nature harmonious. They have the ability to put people at ease and make them smile even in the midst of a hot and crowded bus. Its not as if they intend to have this effect, they just naturally emanate ease. We were all born that way. It is our essential nature to be in harmony with Uncertainty, to be comfortable with not knowing. However, we were educated out of our own natures by our parents, by our society. And we will do the same with our children. We will teach them to be cautious and fearful. We will teach them to be mistrusting and uneasy. We will teach them that certainty of thought, emotion and circumstance is the highest principles to strive for. In other words we will teach them how not to be natural. And our children, like us, will fall from grace and spend their lives, unbeknownst to them, struggling to regain some remnant of the peace they once felt a long long time ago. Not realizing that the very thing they believe will take them there is the very thing that is denying them.
When one is ready to surrender to Life, one surrenders everything. Embracing the Uncertainty means letting go of all the ways we hold on to some shred of control. With this letting go comes a recognition of a much deeper Intelligence operating through all of us and all of Reality. Scientists have long maintained that in a Universe as diverse and chaotic as ours, the odds that events lined up so serendipitously, that this Earth that we live on just "happened" to be the right size, the right distance from the Sun, have the right atmosphere and the right amount of water necessary, the right impulse to create life and the right confluence of coincidences since that have been sustaining Life eon after eon - all this is nothing short of a miracle. In fact, that humanity can even exist in this moment is so low on the probablity index that its like hitting the New York lottery minute after minute in a row for millenia. And yet we believe in certainty.
When you truly embrace Uncertainty, you have the opportunity to see that your own will is only an illusion. It is Nature that is moving through you, moving you, guiding you. It is the Intelligence of the Universe, the same one that makes the cherry blossoms bloom in spring, the one that keeps the Earth revolving around the Sun, the one that makes your cat purr and keeps your heart beating; that has been guiding you every step of the way on your journey. The person you thought yourself to be and the control you thought you had over your own reality was nothing but a dream. Its the illusion you reaffirmed to yourself in order to hide from Reality.
When you embrace Uncertainty, there is a sense of true humility. This is the humility that recognizes that we do not and cannot really know. And with this willingness to not know comes a deep and lasting peace.
Friday, May 11, 2012
Monday, May 7, 2012
The One Percent
"Life is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration." I remember hearing this over and over again while growing up. My parents said it, my relatives said it, my teachers said it - its what the world around me reiterated. And it was a particularly hard pill to swallow, you see, because I was a dreamer. I lived in a world of vision and fantasy. I was an inspiration junkie. I could be incredibly passionate about an idea or a cause as long as I felt inspired to be. But as soon as the inspiration waned, so would the passion. I became a master of starting projects and leaving them unfinished. It became my trademark. Everyone knew that about me. This became particularly problematic as I grew older and some of life's "important" choices had to be made: what program to major in in university, what career to pursue etc. I chugged along my life's path, starting and stopping, sputtering and wheezing like an old jalopy. And each way I turned I searched desperately for a glimpse of inspiration, a few desperate drops of it would suffice. And when I couldn't find it, I would try and contrive it.
But I always failed and as a result ended up feeling miserable and utterly uninspired. And so I would try and convince myself that there was something wrong with me. That it was unrealistic to want to be inspired ALL the time. That hard work and effort was what was really required. That Life is by nature difficult, challenging and hostile. And that to be truly successful one had to "rise above one's own self and circumstances" and "take Life by the horns" and beat it into submission. And the more I tried to convince myself of this and conform myself to this reality the more miserable I became and the more helpless I felt. Because even in the thickest fog of depression the voice of intuition still continued to whisper to me that I was missing the mark. That I was compromising what I knew to be true. That inspiration is the key...
It wasn't until I began to really delve into the question: "What is inspiration?" that I began to see how I'd been missing the mark.
What is inspiration and where does it come from? We tend to use the words "inspiration" and "motivation" interchangeably believing that they mean almost the same thing whereas in reality they are entirely different. We are all motivated by a number of different factors on a daily basis. By our environment, by stimuli, by our own desires, ideas and opinions, by our social and cultural conditioning, by our genetics, by each other. From the moment we arise to the moment we sleep we are constantly reacting to agendas: personal and impersonal. When we eat we are motivated by hunger on a basic level but also by more complex psychological processes like addiction, body image, self esteem, health and fitness beliefs, medical factors, guilt, fear, lack, compulsion. A simple act such as eating a bowl of cereal can be motivated by a confluence of any permutation or combination of these factors just to name a few. A bowl of cereal can be reflective of our entire belief system and psychological makeup.
Motivations exist in our psyches in various forms and in complex relationship. Motivations also cause significant inner conflict in most of us. Inner conflict is essentially the experience of being motivated to think, act or feel in contradictory directions. An addict in recovery is a great example of this kind of conflict made manifest for all to see. Yet, we are all addicted to our own minds and even though we may not exhibit it as obviously, we are in a perpetual cycle of recovery and relapse.
But most essentially, every motivation can be traced back through its roots to two primary and fundamental motivations: power and fear. Power is the impulse to grow, to evolve, to dominate, to triumph, to prevail, to become more, to become whole. Fear is the sense of the opposite: of decay, of regression, of submission, of surrender, of dissolution, diminishment and fragmentation. Power seems to enhance our sense of self and self esteem, whereas fear diminishes it. We seek power in different forms everyday and turn away in fear from the all the things that deny us. Returning to the analogy of the bowl of cereal, that simple act is a complex interaction of power and fear stimuli operating within us through our thoughts, sensations and emotions. Observe it in yourself - the next time you go to the gym, the next time you send in a report to your manager, the next time you're sitting in traffic - observe how every single move you make is in some form a sum result of all these motivations operating within you.
Its possible to take this one step further. Where does this desire for Power come from? Where does this impulse to be and want more come from? It comes from a feeling of lack, of insufficiency, of an inherent dissatisfaction with the present reality. There can only be a desire to be more if there is a sense of not enough. There can only be a desire to be whole if there is a sense of being fragmented. There can only be a desire to triumph if there is a sense of being oppressed. And this sense of insufficiency, fragmentation and oppression is fear. Essentially power and fear are two faces of the same coin. One feeds the other and neither can survive without the other. In order to understand what power and fear essentially are and how they exist in relationship, lets consider Nature and her laws.
Creation and destruction, expansion and contraction, birth and death, evolution and dissolution - these are the tides of reality. What goes up must come down. Once you inhale you must exhale. One cannot inhale indefinitely. Every expansion must be followed by contraction. Every creation must be annihilated. There is no good or bad, right or wrong in any of this. This is the way reality works. One is an outward motion, the other is a return motion. The Universe expands and the Universe contracts.
Power is the desire for constant expansion accompanied by a corresponding fear of contraction. This is evident in our lives and societies. Its an unrealistic paradigm we have all adopted for ourselves. Corporations are built on a model of constant growth and profit. Economies are setup to constantly expand. Our population is growing at an exponential rate and this is viewed as a favorable outcome. We are as a culture obsessed with youth and vitality. We admire people who retain their youthful features, who live energetically and vibrantly even at an older age. We believe that it is better to have more than to have less. We are fearful of disease and old age. We view death as an enemy rather than a natural eventuality and we are, as a species, obsessed with avoiding it. You see, we want to prevail, we want to grow, we want to expand and we want to triumph. No matter the price. And the price we have paid for this misconception is becoming glaringly evident.
Power and fear are two sides of the same one coin that is Control. They are the drive to control Life and the events and the circumstances that surround it. Power and fear promote the illusion of separation. We have come to believe that we are separate and disconnected entities that have control over how we can interact with each other and our environments. We see the world and the Universe as a "dead space", an inanimate landscape in which we are beings of intelligence with the power to control and shape the events in our Universe. But this sort of thinking lacks any substance. From the most subatomic level, to the cellular level to the Universal level: Life is a constantly moving and transforming flux of energies of which we as a species are only an infinitisemal part. Human life on planet earth represents such a tiny and almost insignificant energy force when compared to the whole that for us to think we are somehow in control is laughable. It would be like saying a single drop of water can act independantly of the Ocean, or that a single cell in the human body can act independantly of the body.
One might argue that it is possible for a cell to turn against the body and become cancerous, for example, acting seemingly "of its own will" rather than that of the body. Yet, cancers are also a part of the natural order and serve Nature's agenda like any other cell. In fact, the analogy of a cancer has been used many times to represent humanity's relationship with its host oraganism - the Earth. Ours has been a parasitic relationship in which we have turned hostile towards the larger organism of which we are only a functional aspect. One might consider our illusions of control and the behaviours resulting as 'cancerous'. And yet from Nature's perspective its all part of the big picture.
Control is an illusion. One that we buy into hook, line and sinker. When things go our way, we feel in control. When they don't, we feel like we've lost control. We're under the impression that we're making it happen. And when it doesn't work, we've failed to make it happen. We struggle to find moments in which we feel empowered, happy, fulfilled and in control. We dread moments in which we feel helpless, miserable, unfulfilled and lacking control. The pusuit of happiness is high on our agendas. We all believe that there exists such a static state of unconditional growth, fulfilment and expansion. We just have to find the secret...
Its all an illusion. When Life goes our way it just so happens that Life is in an outward movement, an expansion. Its the High tide and it makes us so happy because we believe that we have reaped the rewards of our labor. And when Life doesn't go our way, it just so happens that it is in an inward movement, a contraction. Its the Low tide and it makes us miserable and we feel that we have been unfairly and unjustly treated. But its all in our heads and its all our imagination. Life just moves naturally. High tide - Low tide, expand - contract, inhale - exhale, wellness - illness, fortune - misfortune, growth - retreat, victory - surrender, creation - destruction, birth - death. Its just the Tides of the Ocean of Life, of which you are a single wave with no will that is separate from the will of the Whole, no volition that is different from that of Nature and absolutely no shred of control other than the fantasy that exists in your mind.
So if control is an illusion, motivated by Power and Fear: What is inspiration?
Inspiration comes to us from a very different place and is a wholly different experience for what I have described thus far. Inspiration can best be described as a moment of spontaneous clarity. Inspiration rarely comes when we want it to and takes on many forms and seldom the same one. Inspiration and insight go hand in hand. The former is experienced more as a feeling whereas the other is experienced more as a thought. Yet they both result from that single moment of spontaneous clarity.
Most essentially however, inspiration is an experience of momentary trasendence. When we are inspired, we are, for that one moment, completely surrendered to the experience of the moment in whatever form it appears. There appears to be no boundary between ourselves and what we are experiencing, rather it is all experienced as one seamless reality. This feeling of felt Oneness is very different from how we are accustomed to viewing Life. In this one moment, "we" as we know ourselves, cease to exist and there is only "this", the experience.
If we think of all the moments we usually refer to as inspirational ones, we can see that this is true. Watching the sunrise from the summit of a peak, watching an infant in the arms of a mother, watching an old couple walking hand in hand, watching a cherry blossom in bloom, listening to a rousing symphony or the crashing or waves upon the shore - the images are infinite. And yet no matter how we interpret these images and no matter what stories we create in our minds to make them fit within our own paradigms - that first moment when the inspiration hits us, spontaneously, arbitrarily, unexpectedly - it is a moment in which we are transported out of ourselves and we see with the Eyes of the Universe, from the perspective of the One reality. And we are left feeling small, fragile, insignificant and humbled. To be truly inspired is to be in awe, to be humbled, to realize our utter utter insignificance. The only true response to a moment of inspiration is that of reverance - a deep reverance and devotion to the beauty, the magnificence and the wisdom of Life.
Inspiration is an opportunity to see that all is beautiful and all is necessary. The expansion and the contraction are equally vital. Triumph and surrender are equally rewarding. Wellness and disease are equally harmonious. Birth and death are equally natural. And we as essential aspects of the same Reality will experience all of it. There is no constant state of health, peace and happiness except in our imaginations. We will grow, we will decay, we will rejoice and we will suffer. Each and everyone of us will experience this no matter how we convince ourselves otherwise. There is no need to strive for one and reject the other. It all happens in spite of what we want or don't.
Inspiration sees that there is no such thing as control. That we are not separate entitities suffering our own existences. Instead we are indistinguishable aspects of the whole, much like individual waves are to an Ocean. And yet, Inspiration also reveals that just like every wave is already in harmony with the oacean, we are already in harmony with Life. In fact, disharmony is the illusion. One can only be disharmonious if one is separate. The illusion that I am somehow separate from the Whole gives rise to the illusion that I am not in harmony with the Whole which then gives rise to the illusion that I can do something about it (control).
To be inspired is to live in alignment with Life and with every moment as it unfolds. To live in spontaneous relationship with Reality. To be free of the need for control and so to be free of power and fear. To live with humility, reverance and simplicity. To know nothing more about Life than how it appears at the moment. To live gracefully and die gracefully. To eat cereal simply because you are hungry.
A famous zen story goes: A student once asked a Zen Master, "What is Enlightenment?" The Master responded: "When I'm hungry I eat, when I'm tired I sleep."
If I could travel back in time and talk to that young boy who tried to believe, against all intuition, that Life is "1% inspiration and 99% perspiration" I would say only one thing to him:
"Life is 100% inspiration."
But I always failed and as a result ended up feeling miserable and utterly uninspired. And so I would try and convince myself that there was something wrong with me. That it was unrealistic to want to be inspired ALL the time. That hard work and effort was what was really required. That Life is by nature difficult, challenging and hostile. And that to be truly successful one had to "rise above one's own self and circumstances" and "take Life by the horns" and beat it into submission. And the more I tried to convince myself of this and conform myself to this reality the more miserable I became and the more helpless I felt. Because even in the thickest fog of depression the voice of intuition still continued to whisper to me that I was missing the mark. That I was compromising what I knew to be true. That inspiration is the key...
It wasn't until I began to really delve into the question: "What is inspiration?" that I began to see how I'd been missing the mark.
What is inspiration and where does it come from? We tend to use the words "inspiration" and "motivation" interchangeably believing that they mean almost the same thing whereas in reality they are entirely different. We are all motivated by a number of different factors on a daily basis. By our environment, by stimuli, by our own desires, ideas and opinions, by our social and cultural conditioning, by our genetics, by each other. From the moment we arise to the moment we sleep we are constantly reacting to agendas: personal and impersonal. When we eat we are motivated by hunger on a basic level but also by more complex psychological processes like addiction, body image, self esteem, health and fitness beliefs, medical factors, guilt, fear, lack, compulsion. A simple act such as eating a bowl of cereal can be motivated by a confluence of any permutation or combination of these factors just to name a few. A bowl of cereal can be reflective of our entire belief system and psychological makeup.
Motivations exist in our psyches in various forms and in complex relationship. Motivations also cause significant inner conflict in most of us. Inner conflict is essentially the experience of being motivated to think, act or feel in contradictory directions. An addict in recovery is a great example of this kind of conflict made manifest for all to see. Yet, we are all addicted to our own minds and even though we may not exhibit it as obviously, we are in a perpetual cycle of recovery and relapse.
But most essentially, every motivation can be traced back through its roots to two primary and fundamental motivations: power and fear. Power is the impulse to grow, to evolve, to dominate, to triumph, to prevail, to become more, to become whole. Fear is the sense of the opposite: of decay, of regression, of submission, of surrender, of dissolution, diminishment and fragmentation. Power seems to enhance our sense of self and self esteem, whereas fear diminishes it. We seek power in different forms everyday and turn away in fear from the all the things that deny us. Returning to the analogy of the bowl of cereal, that simple act is a complex interaction of power and fear stimuli operating within us through our thoughts, sensations and emotions. Observe it in yourself - the next time you go to the gym, the next time you send in a report to your manager, the next time you're sitting in traffic - observe how every single move you make is in some form a sum result of all these motivations operating within you.
Its possible to take this one step further. Where does this desire for Power come from? Where does this impulse to be and want more come from? It comes from a feeling of lack, of insufficiency, of an inherent dissatisfaction with the present reality. There can only be a desire to be more if there is a sense of not enough. There can only be a desire to be whole if there is a sense of being fragmented. There can only be a desire to triumph if there is a sense of being oppressed. And this sense of insufficiency, fragmentation and oppression is fear. Essentially power and fear are two faces of the same coin. One feeds the other and neither can survive without the other. In order to understand what power and fear essentially are and how they exist in relationship, lets consider Nature and her laws.
Creation and destruction, expansion and contraction, birth and death, evolution and dissolution - these are the tides of reality. What goes up must come down. Once you inhale you must exhale. One cannot inhale indefinitely. Every expansion must be followed by contraction. Every creation must be annihilated. There is no good or bad, right or wrong in any of this. This is the way reality works. One is an outward motion, the other is a return motion. The Universe expands and the Universe contracts.
Power is the desire for constant expansion accompanied by a corresponding fear of contraction. This is evident in our lives and societies. Its an unrealistic paradigm we have all adopted for ourselves. Corporations are built on a model of constant growth and profit. Economies are setup to constantly expand. Our population is growing at an exponential rate and this is viewed as a favorable outcome. We are as a culture obsessed with youth and vitality. We admire people who retain their youthful features, who live energetically and vibrantly even at an older age. We believe that it is better to have more than to have less. We are fearful of disease and old age. We view death as an enemy rather than a natural eventuality and we are, as a species, obsessed with avoiding it. You see, we want to prevail, we want to grow, we want to expand and we want to triumph. No matter the price. And the price we have paid for this misconception is becoming glaringly evident.
Power and fear are two sides of the same one coin that is Control. They are the drive to control Life and the events and the circumstances that surround it. Power and fear promote the illusion of separation. We have come to believe that we are separate and disconnected entities that have control over how we can interact with each other and our environments. We see the world and the Universe as a "dead space", an inanimate landscape in which we are beings of intelligence with the power to control and shape the events in our Universe. But this sort of thinking lacks any substance. From the most subatomic level, to the cellular level to the Universal level: Life is a constantly moving and transforming flux of energies of which we as a species are only an infinitisemal part. Human life on planet earth represents such a tiny and almost insignificant energy force when compared to the whole that for us to think we are somehow in control is laughable. It would be like saying a single drop of water can act independantly of the Ocean, or that a single cell in the human body can act independantly of the body.
One might argue that it is possible for a cell to turn against the body and become cancerous, for example, acting seemingly "of its own will" rather than that of the body. Yet, cancers are also a part of the natural order and serve Nature's agenda like any other cell. In fact, the analogy of a cancer has been used many times to represent humanity's relationship with its host oraganism - the Earth. Ours has been a parasitic relationship in which we have turned hostile towards the larger organism of which we are only a functional aspect. One might consider our illusions of control and the behaviours resulting as 'cancerous'. And yet from Nature's perspective its all part of the big picture.
Control is an illusion. One that we buy into hook, line and sinker. When things go our way, we feel in control. When they don't, we feel like we've lost control. We're under the impression that we're making it happen. And when it doesn't work, we've failed to make it happen. We struggle to find moments in which we feel empowered, happy, fulfilled and in control. We dread moments in which we feel helpless, miserable, unfulfilled and lacking control. The pusuit of happiness is high on our agendas. We all believe that there exists such a static state of unconditional growth, fulfilment and expansion. We just have to find the secret...
Its all an illusion. When Life goes our way it just so happens that Life is in an outward movement, an expansion. Its the High tide and it makes us so happy because we believe that we have reaped the rewards of our labor. And when Life doesn't go our way, it just so happens that it is in an inward movement, a contraction. Its the Low tide and it makes us miserable and we feel that we have been unfairly and unjustly treated. But its all in our heads and its all our imagination. Life just moves naturally. High tide - Low tide, expand - contract, inhale - exhale, wellness - illness, fortune - misfortune, growth - retreat, victory - surrender, creation - destruction, birth - death. Its just the Tides of the Ocean of Life, of which you are a single wave with no will that is separate from the will of the Whole, no volition that is different from that of Nature and absolutely no shred of control other than the fantasy that exists in your mind.
So if control is an illusion, motivated by Power and Fear: What is inspiration?
Inspiration comes to us from a very different place and is a wholly different experience for what I have described thus far. Inspiration can best be described as a moment of spontaneous clarity. Inspiration rarely comes when we want it to and takes on many forms and seldom the same one. Inspiration and insight go hand in hand. The former is experienced more as a feeling whereas the other is experienced more as a thought. Yet they both result from that single moment of spontaneous clarity.
Most essentially however, inspiration is an experience of momentary trasendence. When we are inspired, we are, for that one moment, completely surrendered to the experience of the moment in whatever form it appears. There appears to be no boundary between ourselves and what we are experiencing, rather it is all experienced as one seamless reality. This feeling of felt Oneness is very different from how we are accustomed to viewing Life. In this one moment, "we" as we know ourselves, cease to exist and there is only "this", the experience.
If we think of all the moments we usually refer to as inspirational ones, we can see that this is true. Watching the sunrise from the summit of a peak, watching an infant in the arms of a mother, watching an old couple walking hand in hand, watching a cherry blossom in bloom, listening to a rousing symphony or the crashing or waves upon the shore - the images are infinite. And yet no matter how we interpret these images and no matter what stories we create in our minds to make them fit within our own paradigms - that first moment when the inspiration hits us, spontaneously, arbitrarily, unexpectedly - it is a moment in which we are transported out of ourselves and we see with the Eyes of the Universe, from the perspective of the One reality. And we are left feeling small, fragile, insignificant and humbled. To be truly inspired is to be in awe, to be humbled, to realize our utter utter insignificance. The only true response to a moment of inspiration is that of reverance - a deep reverance and devotion to the beauty, the magnificence and the wisdom of Life.
Inspiration is an opportunity to see that all is beautiful and all is necessary. The expansion and the contraction are equally vital. Triumph and surrender are equally rewarding. Wellness and disease are equally harmonious. Birth and death are equally natural. And we as essential aspects of the same Reality will experience all of it. There is no constant state of health, peace and happiness except in our imaginations. We will grow, we will decay, we will rejoice and we will suffer. Each and everyone of us will experience this no matter how we convince ourselves otherwise. There is no need to strive for one and reject the other. It all happens in spite of what we want or don't.
Inspiration sees that there is no such thing as control. That we are not separate entitities suffering our own existences. Instead we are indistinguishable aspects of the whole, much like individual waves are to an Ocean. And yet, Inspiration also reveals that just like every wave is already in harmony with the oacean, we are already in harmony with Life. In fact, disharmony is the illusion. One can only be disharmonious if one is separate. The illusion that I am somehow separate from the Whole gives rise to the illusion that I am not in harmony with the Whole which then gives rise to the illusion that I can do something about it (control).
To be inspired is to live in alignment with Life and with every moment as it unfolds. To live in spontaneous relationship with Reality. To be free of the need for control and so to be free of power and fear. To live with humility, reverance and simplicity. To know nothing more about Life than how it appears at the moment. To live gracefully and die gracefully. To eat cereal simply because you are hungry.
A famous zen story goes: A student once asked a Zen Master, "What is Enlightenment?" The Master responded: "When I'm hungry I eat, when I'm tired I sleep."
If I could travel back in time and talk to that young boy who tried to believe, against all intuition, that Life is "1% inspiration and 99% perspiration" I would say only one thing to him:
"Life is 100% inspiration."
Friday, May 4, 2012
The Game
Ever since I was a child the toilet seat has been the fortunate venue for some of my greatest revelations and insights. Anyone who knows me knows that the bathroom is for me a sort of sanctuary, a place for solitude, contemplation and letting go of excess baggage. I have never been one of those unfortunate people for whom the bathroom represents an inconvenient pit stop on their daily circuit. Instead, I view the bathroom more as a sort of oasis for rest, relief and relaxation. It affords us a momentary escape from the demands of the world. Even in the workplace the same monster boss who called you a hundred times while you were on vacation wouldn't dream of disturbing you in the privacy of your bathroom stall. The toilet is a faithful companion, willing to accept whatever you have to offer.
As a child, I would play this game while on my throne. I would stare at the palm of my right hand and whisper the words, "How am I alive?" Then, I would blink and refocus my eyes, a bit like how you might refresh your internet browser's window. Then I would repeat again, "How am I alive?" then blink and refresh again each time refocusing on the palm of my hand. And I'd repeat many times, working myself into a sort of trance in which, with each refresh, the recognition of what I was staring at would slowly fade. Soon, my palm would turn into this completely alien entity that I'd find myself gazing at in fascination. I would feel my heart begin to race with nervous excitement and I'd get up (yes, in the middle) and waddle over to the mirror and stare at my face seeing it for the very first time. Then continuing to stare into the mirror, I would slowly allow the recognition of who I was dawn on me again. It would literally feel like this "Shiv" that I was, was coming to life in front of my eyes. It was a game that was exhilirating and terrifying at the same time. Each time after, I'd vow never to play it again but find myself hopelessly seduced the next time around.
By my teens however, I lost the interest and the ability to do this. I tried once, but after about 5 minutes of staring at my hand and repeating those words, nothing happened and I felt a bit idiotic for having wasted my time. Maybe I'd become a bit too cynical, or maybe I'd accumulated way too much personality to be able to drop it so easily. Either way, the how-am-I-alive game was forgotten and stashed away in some dusty corner in the attic of my memory.
Although I didn't realized it then, the game was my way of seeing through this identity I had procured for myself. This "Shiv" that I was simultaneously creating and becoming. Later on, no amount of meditation or technique would ever allow me to penetrate through the layers of self identification as cleanly and swiftly as the game once did.
Which brings me to the question: how much of who we think we are is really true? This "me" is a constantly changing landscape. The physical aspect of this "me" - my body with its senses has evolved and is slowly deteriorating. It is no longer as energetic as it used to be, it can no longer take the punishment it once was capable of taking. The nervous system is more sensitive, the digestive system a little more touchy. And this is only in the 30 years it has existed. This body also cannot recuperate without regular sleep cycles, whereas only 10 years ago it could operate on much less. Yes, this body is changing. It metabolizes a little more slowly and heals a little more slowly. While these changes are relatively slight, over the next 30 years they will become significantly more pronounced. And yet, if I were to reflect on what it feels like to be me, that has never changed.
The mental and emotional aspects of this "me" have also changed. My thoughts about myself, thoughts about the people close to me, thoughts about people in general, the world, society. All of that has experienced an evolution of its own. A funny thing I realized about my thoughts is that they are never original. Not a single thought I have ever had actually originated in my own mind. From the most basic idea of myself - the thought "I am Shiv." That, I borrowed from my parents, who had the silly (or profoundly appropriate, depending how you look at it) notion of naming me after the Hindu god of destruction. But even this thought, hardly originated in their minds. More likely (and this is speculation although I'm fairly confident of it) it was my father's fantasy that his son and his legacy may one day personify the virtues of strength, compassion and purity that he held sacred above all else. Shiv is the meanest, swiftest, gunslingin' god in the hindu roster. He drinks poison for fun and uses a cobra as a scarf. You don't just name your kid Shiv unless you're willing to pay the consequences (as my parents will readily testify).
From that most basic thought which is no more than a fantasy and is inherently truth-less, came every other thought form. The "I am Shiv" thought is central to the identity. Like the central hub on a bicycle wheel from which every other thought pattern is a spoke. But even the other thought forms were borrowed. Initially, I borrowed them from my parents - the do's, the don'ts, the yeses, the nos, the shoulds and the shouldn'ts. As a boy, as my world expanded, my thoughts began to reflect those of my peers, the media, my teachers. As an adolescent, I found the mainstream less appealing, and my mind wandered instead down the more unkempt roads of rebellion and non-conformity. And I found examples there too that I could emulate. And in my intense self reflective early twenties I browsed and cautiously adopted the philosphies and ideologies of great philosophers, spiritual masters and thinkers. And then to the perplexing and paradoxical koans in zen and so on. And yet, if I were to reflect on what it feels like to be me, that has never changed.
Emotions and sensations are the bridge between our physical and conceptual selves. In fact, if a thought didn't have a corresponding emotional response there would be no way for the body to respond to it. And vice versa, a physical feeling or emotion gives rise to thoughts. The way I experience emotions has evolved over the years. I am by nature intense and impulsive, yet my relationship with these aspects has changed. The thought-emotion pattern builds upon itself and has a sort of effervescing effect. A negative emotion can trigger a negative thought which enhances the negative emotion which reaffirms the negative thought. And the same goes for positive thoughts and emotions. But if an emotion or thought is allowed to occur without response or investment it quickly dissipates. So through my years of feeling emotions sensitively and intensely, my relationship with them evolved. In fact I now consider myself more sensitive and yet a lot less intense in my expressions. And yet, if I were to reflect on what it feels like to be me, that has never changed.
The physical, the mental, the emotional : everything that makes up "me" - all my opinions, beliefs, feelings, grievances, self esteem both positive and negative, affiliations social and familial, roles and functions, my age, my gender, my nationality, my ethnicity, my spirituality - all of these are the many spokes on the wheel of which the central hub is the "me". And so in order to truly know my Self, I discovered a long time ago that I could try and analyze each spoke and trace it back to the root or I could just simply question the most basic assumption itself.
In asking the question, "Who or what is this 'me'? " any answer that rises up is just another thought in my mind - just another spoke on the wheel. Which is why no answer, no matter how profound, could possibly be true. That is the beautiful stalemate. It is intellectually undeterminable. It cannot be conceived. When we truly see this, we come to realize that it is the question that is the whole point and not the answer. The question is an opportunity, or rather an invitation, to let go for even a moment, all our ideas and notions of who we think we are in order to fully immerse our selves in the experience of what we truly are.
All I am is the dream of a dream and the thought of a thought. At the center of it all there is nothing there. Just a vast and empty awareness. I tried playing the game the other day. It took a while but I experienced it again for the first time since I was a child. And it felt every bit as exhilirating. And every bit as terrifying.
As a child, I would play this game while on my throne. I would stare at the palm of my right hand and whisper the words, "How am I alive?" Then, I would blink and refocus my eyes, a bit like how you might refresh your internet browser's window. Then I would repeat again, "How am I alive?" then blink and refresh again each time refocusing on the palm of my hand. And I'd repeat many times, working myself into a sort of trance in which, with each refresh, the recognition of what I was staring at would slowly fade. Soon, my palm would turn into this completely alien entity that I'd find myself gazing at in fascination. I would feel my heart begin to race with nervous excitement and I'd get up (yes, in the middle) and waddle over to the mirror and stare at my face seeing it for the very first time. Then continuing to stare into the mirror, I would slowly allow the recognition of who I was dawn on me again. It would literally feel like this "Shiv" that I was, was coming to life in front of my eyes. It was a game that was exhilirating and terrifying at the same time. Each time after, I'd vow never to play it again but find myself hopelessly seduced the next time around.
By my teens however, I lost the interest and the ability to do this. I tried once, but after about 5 minutes of staring at my hand and repeating those words, nothing happened and I felt a bit idiotic for having wasted my time. Maybe I'd become a bit too cynical, or maybe I'd accumulated way too much personality to be able to drop it so easily. Either way, the how-am-I-alive game was forgotten and stashed away in some dusty corner in the attic of my memory.
Although I didn't realized it then, the game was my way of seeing through this identity I had procured for myself. This "Shiv" that I was simultaneously creating and becoming. Later on, no amount of meditation or technique would ever allow me to penetrate through the layers of self identification as cleanly and swiftly as the game once did.
Which brings me to the question: how much of who we think we are is really true? This "me" is a constantly changing landscape. The physical aspect of this "me" - my body with its senses has evolved and is slowly deteriorating. It is no longer as energetic as it used to be, it can no longer take the punishment it once was capable of taking. The nervous system is more sensitive, the digestive system a little more touchy. And this is only in the 30 years it has existed. This body also cannot recuperate without regular sleep cycles, whereas only 10 years ago it could operate on much less. Yes, this body is changing. It metabolizes a little more slowly and heals a little more slowly. While these changes are relatively slight, over the next 30 years they will become significantly more pronounced. And yet, if I were to reflect on what it feels like to be me, that has never changed.
The mental and emotional aspects of this "me" have also changed. My thoughts about myself, thoughts about the people close to me, thoughts about people in general, the world, society. All of that has experienced an evolution of its own. A funny thing I realized about my thoughts is that they are never original. Not a single thought I have ever had actually originated in my own mind. From the most basic idea of myself - the thought "I am Shiv." That, I borrowed from my parents, who had the silly (or profoundly appropriate, depending how you look at it) notion of naming me after the Hindu god of destruction. But even this thought, hardly originated in their minds. More likely (and this is speculation although I'm fairly confident of it) it was my father's fantasy that his son and his legacy may one day personify the virtues of strength, compassion and purity that he held sacred above all else. Shiv is the meanest, swiftest, gunslingin' god in the hindu roster. He drinks poison for fun and uses a cobra as a scarf. You don't just name your kid Shiv unless you're willing to pay the consequences (as my parents will readily testify).
From that most basic thought which is no more than a fantasy and is inherently truth-less, came every other thought form. The "I am Shiv" thought is central to the identity. Like the central hub on a bicycle wheel from which every other thought pattern is a spoke. But even the other thought forms were borrowed. Initially, I borrowed them from my parents - the do's, the don'ts, the yeses, the nos, the shoulds and the shouldn'ts. As a boy, as my world expanded, my thoughts began to reflect those of my peers, the media, my teachers. As an adolescent, I found the mainstream less appealing, and my mind wandered instead down the more unkempt roads of rebellion and non-conformity. And I found examples there too that I could emulate. And in my intense self reflective early twenties I browsed and cautiously adopted the philosphies and ideologies of great philosophers, spiritual masters and thinkers. And then to the perplexing and paradoxical koans in zen and so on. And yet, if I were to reflect on what it feels like to be me, that has never changed.
Emotions and sensations are the bridge between our physical and conceptual selves. In fact, if a thought didn't have a corresponding emotional response there would be no way for the body to respond to it. And vice versa, a physical feeling or emotion gives rise to thoughts. The way I experience emotions has evolved over the years. I am by nature intense and impulsive, yet my relationship with these aspects has changed. The thought-emotion pattern builds upon itself and has a sort of effervescing effect. A negative emotion can trigger a negative thought which enhances the negative emotion which reaffirms the negative thought. And the same goes for positive thoughts and emotions. But if an emotion or thought is allowed to occur without response or investment it quickly dissipates. So through my years of feeling emotions sensitively and intensely, my relationship with them evolved. In fact I now consider myself more sensitive and yet a lot less intense in my expressions. And yet, if I were to reflect on what it feels like to be me, that has never changed.
The physical, the mental, the emotional : everything that makes up "me" - all my opinions, beliefs, feelings, grievances, self esteem both positive and negative, affiliations social and familial, roles and functions, my age, my gender, my nationality, my ethnicity, my spirituality - all of these are the many spokes on the wheel of which the central hub is the "me". And so in order to truly know my Self, I discovered a long time ago that I could try and analyze each spoke and trace it back to the root or I could just simply question the most basic assumption itself.
In asking the question, "Who or what is this 'me'? " any answer that rises up is just another thought in my mind - just another spoke on the wheel. Which is why no answer, no matter how profound, could possibly be true. That is the beautiful stalemate. It is intellectually undeterminable. It cannot be conceived. When we truly see this, we come to realize that it is the question that is the whole point and not the answer. The question is an opportunity, or rather an invitation, to let go for even a moment, all our ideas and notions of who we think we are in order to fully immerse our selves in the experience of what we truly are.
All I am is the dream of a dream and the thought of a thought. At the center of it all there is nothing there. Just a vast and empty awareness. I tried playing the game the other day. It took a while but I experienced it again for the first time since I was a child. And it felt every bit as exhilirating. And every bit as terrifying.
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